Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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