My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
