This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
