she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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