It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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