I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
