oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
