He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
