Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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