i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
