I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
