we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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