he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
