The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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