I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
