My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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