how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
