i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
