Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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