i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize