What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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