then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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