For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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