I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
