I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
