"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
