I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
