I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
