Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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