My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
