sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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