I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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