You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
