Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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