I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
