i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
