my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
