Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
