please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
