you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
