Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
