His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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