is your mom at the bar?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
