Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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