You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
