I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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