He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There are leaves in my underwear?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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