I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
