The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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