I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
