I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
