i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
