yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
