I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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