i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When are your genitals available?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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