I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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