i just wanna soil my oats bro
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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