you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
