Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
