Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Boobs are out for the taking
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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