so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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