he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
