I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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