theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
