Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
