Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
