I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
