paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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