i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
